Talking about it

I am part of CafeMoms and belong to a group, Spina Bifida Moms. I also recently joined Spina Bifida Connections, a forum-based website for people with SB and those whom have children with SB. Tonight I read a posting about the "Hidden Disability". In this post, people wrote on the challenges of hiding their SB and how it affects their relationships both socially and intimately. These stories are inspiring! This made me tear up!!! I realize that this is what I have done for years.
For many years, I have hidden my SB and not spoken about it with many people. And for a long time the only people that really knew were my family. Eventually I would tell friends, manly girls, in fear of rejection. Gradually, I would tell a select few of the many guys I dated, but really wasn't able to talk about it. I never knew anyone with SB so it was hard for me to relate to anyone about what I was going through. The shame I felt and so many other emotions that I had bottled up inside me.
I eventually broke down and decided to attend a meeting of a local SB chapter in Houston. There I had a mother tell me that "I didn't know what it was like to have SB, because I looked normal". Her son had an extremely severe form of SB which made him wheelchair bound, among other things. This comment hurt me deeply. I did know what it was like to have SB and it was even harder on me because society did see me as "normal". And because of how I looked, I felt the only way to be accepted was to hid my SB.
When I met my husband, I was scared to tell him. We were dating and I really liked him. Here I had this wonderful Marine who I was scared to loose if I did tell him. So, I had a close friend of mine tell him for me. That way the rejection wouldn't be in my face. But, to my surprise, he said okay. He wanted to know more about it. He was interested in knowing what I faced on a daily basis. And so our relationship continued and he fell for my charm, wit, intelligence...okay so I might have casted a spell!!! Eventually, after dating and being best-friends, around 7 years later, we ended up getting married.
Today, my wonderful husband, is more on-top of my medical needs than I am. He watches carefully over me to make sure that I am doing what I need to do daily to live comfortably with SB. He also watches very carefully over my health care to make sure the doctors and nurses are all in-line with what it takes to care safely over me. I really think he knows more than I know!! I am blessed to have found such a wonderful man that accepts me for me and loves me unconditionally. He has made accepting SB and talking about it easier for me. This has been wonderful because it feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I can tell you I am keeping him for a long time!!!!